Uncaged

Suddenly I understood, that feeling uncomfortable talking over and over again about my past life experiences with my friends was a sign. I started to build up tension inside of me that made me feel really uneasy. I needed one more past life experience to understand that I felt caged and that I needed an outlet for my thoughts and feelings somewhere, where I could actually feel free to express myself as who I truly am. That's when the idea of starting a blog came into the picture. It's simple, it's easy-- it doesn't bother anyone and collects only those readers, who feel interested in it's topics.

Having a past life identity that happens to be well known in history and present is nothing but easy. Halfway it feels like a curse. It has made me go through lessons of self-worth so many times I'm not sure it will ever end. I had been handling the general phenomenon of being famous beforehand throughout the youth for other reasons, so it was perhaps planned that my past life as Ned Kelly surfaced only two to three years ago. Sometimes I wish I had known some things affecting my current life earlier, but I know that I wouldn't be what and who I am now if I hadn't experienced the hard stuff raw. 

I'm going to be totally honest with you by saying that I need your support. At the same time I'm trying to stay true to myself, learn being independent and avoid clinging to people's opinions or my tendency to try please everyone. Finally becoming sick of that side of me I found my way here. Coming out of the closet, so to speak. Or my mental cage. 

I realized that I was being an idiot wasting my life trying to please those, who happened to be around me. I haven't come out to my Facebook friends or relatives there. Everything else feels natural to update but not telling that "Hey, I've been going to these wonderful medium nights. Totally loving it" or "I cried my heart out today, because I suddenly remembered the guilt I felt in my past life". I knew that job and bosswise I never cared, what was shown online about my faith or hobbies. And if people who I thought were close to me would run away, maybe I wasn't that important to them after all. That is the very same reason I never started a blog, even though I maybe tried. Now for me, it's the time to stop trying. 

I still won't probably link this blog to my Facebook account in the future. For now, I justify this decision by knowing that the majority of my Facebook friends isn't interested in spiritual or the "supernatural" stuff. For now, it doesn't bother me. If at some point my heart tells otherwise, I will adjust my plans. But the most important change now is that I refuse to be scared that a relative or a distant friend would find this blog online and read my story. This is the place, where I'm able to share my stories in full length. Nothing should be left in secret or half shadowed, if one really wants to know what's all this "Henniina talking about spirits and past lives" is by reading through this blog. 

I admit I'm holding slight grudge by having to explain this at all. I wish being accepted with my interests and experiences would be as easy as being objected to breath so that one can live. The things I handle in this blog are similar to a part of my breathing, which means it is a great part of who I am. I have other life too, of course but I can't deny the importance of spiritual matters in my life and working and developing as a medium. 

At this point I feel also kind of excited as this blog feels like a positive step on the road of fulfilling my life purpose. But more on it later.